Week 1 Awards and Rankings

Don Shula Award: This award is given out weekly to the coach with best performance, or a gutsy call that made the difference in the game.

Rich Kotite Award: This award is given out weekly to the coach with worst performance, or a horrible call that made the difference in the game.

Week 1 Shula Award Winner: Titillating Tampanians

Week 1 Kotite Award Winner: West Virginia Hellbenders

Week 1 Rankings:

1. Titillating Tampanians (1-0) – Clearly the most complete team based on the week one results. His offensive performance was strong behind Vernon Davis, Brees, Marshall and Andre Johnson, but it was his Defense that went absolutely bonkers, led by Cam Wake and Justin Houston. He was brash in the preseason, going so far as to change his team name to The Best Team, but after beating a seasoned EF veteran in Cory Storkson week one, he has backed up those claims in week one and got the leagues attention. We’ll see if his success can continue when the spotlight is on.
2. Nipples for Days (1-0) – AP was a given to score points, but Victor Cruz and Owen Daniels combined 5 TD’s, along with strong secondary play helped Nipples for Days put up a huge week one point total and crushed the HellBenders by a margin of nearly 200 points.
3. Gastineau (1-0) – Peyton Manning coming up HUUUUUUGE with 103 points on his own, the highest point total I have ever seen at any position in my EF career. If that wasn’t enough, his WRs and LB posted above average gains. If he didnt have 2 other rookies put up huge weeks, he would be in consideration for ROY honors.
4. Fitchburg Frozen Tundra (0-1) – Seasoned vet up to his usual tactics scoring big on defense that allowed him to put up the 4th hightest point total despite having the skakiest starting QBs in the league. If McCoy and his defense keep it up, it may not matter. Bad luck has played a role in his lackluster 0-1 start as he was the highest point scorer that walked away with an L in week 1.
5. Daytrippers (1-0) – Overall a very consistent team effort. Other than Kaepernicks 73 points, no players point total jumps off the page but there also are not many weaknesses in Daytrippers line up. If CJ Spiller can get his shit together this team will be a contender.
6. Team Beatdown (1-0) – Easily posting the highest average age of any team, this veteran squad posted a very respectable score despite playing a CB out of position, and was also the only player to start both a FB and a TE. The risky move paid off when both were able to find the end zone. It wasn’t a BeatDown, but a W just the same.
7. Irish Bastards (0-1)– Start Mason foster out of position? No problem says Irish Bastards, and laughs as he posts a 37 point total after putting up 2 sacks. 452 points will get you a win a lot of weeks, but not this week. The Jamaal Charles injury has to have him concerned, this team has seen there fair share of injuries already.
8. Franky Blanks (1-0) – lackluster receiver and D Line play resulted in a sub par performance for Franky Blanks, despite Zach Brown and D Thomas both putting up huge efforts. A huge glut of talent at OB will need to be evened out for this team to compete for a title. That said, lady luck is on his side as he posted the lowest point total of all the teams that earned a week 1 win. It wasn’t pretty, but a W is a W. Easily the most active owner with 5 trades under his belt, as well as key high profile FA acquisitions in Daryl Smith, Kenbrell Thompkins and Julius Thomas.
9. Huntersville Huskiest Humper (0-1)– was not able to capitalize on easily the ballsy-est call of the day, starting Mike Vick over Aaron Rogers. Despite strong performances by D Jack and Reggie Bush, he was still not able to pull out the W due to a strong performance from the daytrippers, combined with dismal performances from the rest of his WR core, and his kicker, who posted negative points. He had to be encouraged by a strong defensive performance but at the end of the day, it was not enough to bring home the W.
10. Half Man Half Amazing (0-1) – After winning the Rex Ryan guarantee award in the preseason, he showed up week one a little flat, posting the 3 lowest point total. 2 goose eggs on the defensive side of the ball did not help, as he was apparently unaware that Morgan Burnett was inactive, which calls his dedication and preparation into question. Perhaps being in 8 leagues might be a bit much for one person to handle.
11. Florida Beardogs (0-1) – Was only able to muster 412 points despite Anquan Boldin posting the 6th highest opening day yardage total in history. He was in a close battle, but ultimately the play ( or lack there of) of Jon Bostic and early round pick Geno Atkins was the difference in the game. He will look to rebound on Thursday when Tom Brady gets the start on Thursday night against the lowly ( albeit 1-0) NY Jets, scumbags of the universe.
12. West Virginia Hellbenders (0-1) – Holy shit Jeff, I thought you played in this league before? Get ahold of yourself man and come to play next week, emmmm kay?


3 thoughts on “Week 1 Awards and Rankings

  1. The cream rose early this year fellas. But we are just gonna take it one week at time and not overlook any team. NOT EVEN THE FLORIDA BEAR DOGS OR THAT HUSKY HUMPER.

  2. I am sure you are used to your Cream rising early. #OneWeekWonder. Put up 600+ again and I will be impressed. I cant wait for the Jets to get smashed tonight.

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