Week 2 Rankings and awards

Shula Award: West Virginia HellBenders: He gained 7 spots in the rankings put up a monster week to answer his critics.

Kotite Award: Titillating Tampanians. Clearly his team has too big of a head from their week one win. They were not focused on their week 2 opponents and the price was severe.

1) Fitchburg (2-1): What a rebound from an unfortunate week one loss. Led by Ju-Ju-Julio, Shady McCoy, Luke and a pair of Packer fatties, he was able to go 2-0 against former league 10 alumni- Daytrippers and Franky Blanks. His QBs remain the weakness of the team, but the progress of DeAndre Hopkins seems to be benefiting Schaub. He was also able to capitalize on the poor performances of the rest of his division, sitting alone in first place after 3 games.
2) Nipples for Days (2-1): Although he dropped off nearly 100 points from last week, he still was able to put up over 490 points, good enough to maintain the second highest average in the league. Victor Cruz, AP and Stafford were expected, but the surprising play of DeAndre Levy and LaRon Landry, the NFL current tackle leader, have been the difference. Had he not got humped by the Humpers, he could have made it through the weekend undefeated but 2-1 and tied for first place will have to do for now.
3) Daytrippers (2-1): Survived a 2 point week from the SF QB who’s name I can’t spell, partially due to 45 points by Alterraun Verner, a 50 spot from Jimmy Graham and 35 from Chandler Jones, brother of UFC champion Jonny Bones Jones and product of the greater Binghamton NY area. We produce monsters…..oh, back to Clapp’s team. The guy Calvin what’s his face is pretty good too.
4) Husky Humpers (2-1): What a fool, he benched Vick this week, hahaha….oh, wait, what? Rogers put up 87? Uhhhh, nevermind. Desean Jackson is having a career start under this revamped offense and the Husky Humper is reaping the rewards. He put up 520+ points this week and butt humped his completion; taking his record to 2-0 and get right back into the title chase. If he wants to contend, 12 points total from his entire D-Line is not going to cut it.
5) Hellbenders (2-1): If we had a comeback player of the week, Hellbenders would win hands down. After putting up a down right laughable week one performance, Mario Williams carried this team on his back, putting up a retarded 70 points at DE due to a 4.5 sack performance. Dez looked like the beast we thought he was, but Cam Newton and the Panthers tremendously conservative offense must have the HellBenders wondering how good his Franchise QB really is. Regardless, he is 2-1 after a 2-0 week and is right where he needs to be.
6) Franky Blanks (2-1): He and Irish Bastards seems to be the most consistent teams early on, staying around the 450 mark each week. Marked by many solid performances and no great ones, this team is waiting for the Gronk to return to solidify his offense. However, the play and recent injury to Ray Rice has him concerned about a position he confident in coming out the draft. If Miami continues to feed Mike Wallace the ball like they did in week 2, this teams WR core could be a surprising top 3 unit. The battle with Daytrippers in week 3 looms large on Franky Blanks mind.
7) Beatdown (2-1): He put up a solid showing with 458 points and that was good enough to split the week. Matt Ryan and Beast Mode put up huge points, but Aaron Rogers and Desean Jacksons performances were too much to overcome as he also go Humped. He seems to be contrarian in the lineup department, as he is the only team to run a 4-3 defense, and also the only team to start a TE and FB at the same time. At 2-1, his early results are positive.
8) Tampanians (1-2): I just want to let the league know that Tampanians was so intoxicated by their week one performance, he said he didn’t see how it was possible for him to score less than 500. Proving to be no Nostradamus, his team promptly fell off a cliff and posted a whopping 381 points, causing his average to plummet. I am not sure what to make of this team just yet, other than it doesn’t look to be the model of consistency. He no longer is answering his phone with the greeting “ 640” so it feels like Franky Blanks got an extra win out of this deal.
9) Gastineau (1-2): His faith in the Jets let him down as all 5 players totaled 29 points combined. Peyton was held to half his week 1 total and it resulted in a less than stellar showing and a winless week for Gastineau.
10) Irish Bastards(1-2): Won the squeaker of the week after a 3rd quarter half sack by Carlos Dunlap gave him a ONE point victory over ½ man, ½ amazing, to avoid what would have been a disastrous 0-3 start. Went 1-1 in week 2 after dropping his other week 2 game to the Hellbenders.
11) ½ Man, ½ Amazing (1-2): He lost a heartbreaker Monday night to fall to 1-2, but it’s early and he is putting on decent points. Trent Richardson getting traded to the colts should add a few points a week to the bottom line also; he had to be excited to get his star back out of that putrid offense. That said, his bark was awful loud in the preseason, I was expecting a little more than this.
12) Beardogs (0-3): The early frontrunner for the first pick in the 2014 draft. Beardogs team needs Von Miller to come back in a major way, and he needs the Real Tom Brady to please stand up. Trading away Andre Johnson for a first round pick will pay dividends in the future, but it’s hurting the Beardogs this year.

It should be noted that 3 of the bottom 4 teams are Jets fans. Tannenbaum prodigies I see.


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