Week 3 Rankings and Awards

Shula Award: Nipples for Days. Quite frankly, he is the only one that deserves it because he is the only team that has among the leaders in total points and wins.

Kotite Award: Team Beatdown. Really, it should be Daytrippers for totally blowing it when they sat Cameron Jordon……but if you don’t set a lineup, that is probably a little worse from a coaching standpoint.

For those that disagree with my rankings, feel free to comment as to why, or, even better, post your rankings and thoughts behind each. This forum is for all teams.

1.Nipples for Days (3-1): I don’t know how he’s doing it folks. His entire receiving core and d-line combine for 16 total points and he still gets the W and maintains the XX highest point total, only trailing the Frozen Tundra. How’d he win? His entire LB core produced big games, Deangelo Hall got ANOTHER interception, AP is AP and Stafford is stat monger. Oh, and Team Beatdown missed the bus, putting up an embarrassing 266 points after almost failing to set a lineup….more on that later. For now, Nipples for Days gets the top notch for his 3-1 record combined with his high point totals. I hope this ranking isn’t the EF kiss of death, as each of the previous top ranked players fell the next week. We’ll see if NFD can handle the pressure.
2.Frozen Tundra (2-2): ranked # 2 despite 2-2 record, due to his consistent high point totals and let’s be honest, he is getting the benefit of the doubt for being a former 2-time EF champ. He needs to start getting more wins to match his points or his rankings will fall. At the end of the day, points are nice, but W’s is what counts. QB will remain a concern but as long as Julio and Shady keep lighting up the scoreboard it will not matter. I also have to note the strength of his OL, despite not drafting them heavily in the veteran draft. Veteran moves like that will keep this team in the chase all year long.
3.Husky Humpers (3-1): Yeah, he is 3-1 but winning with a total score of 389 points is nothing to write to Mom about. Regardless, they thrusted their way to the 3rd win of the season, despite losing Reggie Bush and putting up 3 goose eggs. Had he put in a stronger performance he may have been ranked in the top 2…..but not if he doesn’t bench his kicker that has been hurt since week one. He has totaled negative 3 points from the Kicker position all year.
4.Tampanians (2-2): I am officially requesting he change his name to ‘Team Schizophrenia’ or ‘Box Of Chocolates’ because you never know what you are going to get with this team. There is no doubt they can put up huge points in every given week, but when the playoffs come around and consistency is the currency of Champion, you have to wonder if this team will be able to string together consistent efforts when it matters most. With an aging receiver core, this team needs to win soon. Justin Houston is ridiculous….absolutely. Ridiculous. Injuries to Vernon Davis and Cam Wake will test the Tampanians depth in coming weeks. He also called a lesbian working at the McDonalds drive thru a Dude this week. It doesn’t count towards the rankings, but it’s got to count for something.
5.Franky Blanks (3-1): Won the close call of the week, surpassing Daytrippers on the last first down of the Denver game, when Demaryius Thomas caught a seemingly inconspicuous pass for 9 yards…however, this catch put Thomas at 10 catches for the evening granting him 3 bonus points, which proved to be the margin of victory. He owes Daytrippers a beer for sitting Cameron, which proved to be the difference in the game. This team probably should be ranked lower based on total points, but they play the games for a reason, and Franky Blanks is finding a way to win.
6.Daytrippers (2-2): All I know is that when I looked at the starting lineups on Wednesday, Daytrippers had Jordan Cameron in the lineup along with Jimmy Graham, sporting the top 2 TEs in the league. At some point in time he outthought himself in replace Cameron and his eventual 3 touchdowns with Julian Edelman. When you check the box score and see that he lost by 3 points, this roster move was clearly the difference between 2-2 and 3-1. He would have received the Kotite Award for that decision had Beatdown not totally dropped the ball and forget to set a lineup. After a strong start, Clapp has to be extremely concerned about the play he is getting at the QB and RB positions, due to the recent performances ( or lack thereof) of Colin and CJ. As long he has Graham, Cameron and Calvin, he will be in every contest.
7.Hellbenders (2-2): Team See Saw watched his record go in the opposite direction again, leaving us to wonder who the real Hellbenders are. Are they the team that put up 550 in week 2, or the team we saw in weeks 1 and 3 that have a terrible running game and linebacking core, despite spending early picks on those positions. The Hellbenders needs David Wilson to bust out the stick ‘em and Daryl Washington to lay off the roids and get back on the field. Oh yeah, it would help if Cam started playing to his potential. If those three things can happen, this team is going to be a serious contender down the stretch. Right now though, they are just another pretender trying to fake it until they make it.
8.Gastineau (2-2): Another team that is tough to rank. I can see them as high as number 4. His love for the Jets have to make me wonder if he will ride roll with his boys regardless of the consequences in the W-L department. He should see a major boost when Percy returns, but until then his WR core remains strong being anchored by AJ Green and Jordy ‘ Gay Name’ Nelson. Of all the rankings, I feel like this one is the most suspect, but I am too tired to move him up higher at this point. If he gets a W this week he will most likely make a significant jump.
9.½ Man, ½ Amazing (2-2): John is upset with his Ranking. He feels his team is better than his record indicates, or at least better than my team who is currently ranked higher. Wins talk, whining walks. Get the W’s and the ranking will follow. At least his first 2 picks in the draft are producing. Or not. That should be viewed as a positive because when they wake up, and his receivers start playing to their potential ( I am looking at you, Fitz and Torrey), this team could be waiting to explode. No way I move him higher until I see it though. Right now his team is literally ½ Wins, ½ Losses.
10.Irish Bastards (1-3): Luck be a Bastarrrrrrrrrd, tonight. Probably the most unlucky team to date, even though he pulled out a miracle victory last week. First it was Jo Dunbar going from starter to Street Clothes, then Barky Mingo crushing a lung, and then some other unlucky shit I am probably forgetting….anyway, he has only been able to muster a single win despite putting up 450+ almost every game. He has the Frozen Tundra up next, and if he can’t pull away with a win he will fall to 1-4 overall, and 0-3 in what looks to be the toughest division early on. It might be too early to call it a must-win, but let’s face it, if he has championship aspirations this year he will need a W or look to start rebuilding for 2015. If he can get the win, he is right back in the thick of it.
11.Beatdown (2-2): Better late than never I suppose, but the resulting 266 score crushed his average score and resulted in his second L of the year. This is the Big Boy league Son, let’s get our head in the game mmmmnkay?
12.Beardogs (0-4): This could be a long season for the Beardogs, maybe even a rebuilding year. The Tom Brady and Geno Atkins picks are really coming back to haunt this team, at least thru 4 games. WR also has to be a concern with Reggie Wayne and Anquan Boldin set to receive their AARP cards next year ….. if Aaron Dobson would just straighten up his routes, he might be able to catch Tom Brady’s inaccurate passes.


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