Week 5 Ranking and Awards

Shula Award: Daytrippers. I mean, how can you get 2 W’s in a week that only had 1 game and NOT get his award?

Kotite Award: Team Beatdown: Explanation not required, other than setting a lineup is key to success.

Starting next week, I am going to do the rankings based on a formula that takes into both account records and points, and only when tied will opinion factor in. I have been doing that now but it has been unofficial so we will try to formalize it going forward.

1.Nipples for Days (4-1): ½ Man, ½ Amazing brings Nipples for Days into the league and how does he repay him? With a 77 point whooping in week 5, led by the league’s highest rushing total at 44 points. Outside of AP, there is nothing really flashy about this team, some even call them Vanilla for Days, but all they do is Win. NFD puts up big number every week, with seemingly a different roster each game. He has guys that no one has ever heard of (Brad Jones, anyone) putting up solid numbers week after week. After a while you have to assume it’s not beginners luck, the dude just knows how to pick ‘em. Easily the front runner for ROY honors. My hope is that this team is modeled after the 2012 Bears, who got out to a 7-1 start and failed to make the playoffs. Daaaaaa Bears.
2.Daytrippers (4-1): This is the only team to get 2 wins in one week, thanks to what will be forever dubbed ‘The Deduction’ in week 4. But nooooo, he was not satisfied there. He came storming back and clutched victory from the jaws of defeat on the back of Jimmy Graham and his 2 TD effort on Monday night, highlighting the league’s only 2 Tight End set. Beardogs was poised for the upset and his first win of the season but Clapp was having none of it, as Jimmy Graham sliced thru the Miami defenders like swiss cheese (in the Clapp Facenda voice). The Daytrippers are the 3rd highest scoring team in the league, so you can hardly call it luck, but man, this team is winning the close ones so far. Early on, The Daytrippers seems like Destiny’s child. I mean team. Destiny’s Team. The rest of the league hopes that Good Karma is finite, and this team has used all of theirs but the league’s only 2 Tight End set is putting the fear in opposing defenses. You damn sonnofabitch!!!!! I was thisclose to being 4-1 damn you!!!!!
3.Tampanians (3-2): Team Schizophrenia didn’t take their meds until Monday so they were a little down on Sunday night. The Tampanians are employing a Go Big or Go Home philosophy, where they put up big numbers or none at all. Again, I want to call out that after week one this team said they couldn’t envision ANY scenario where they would score below 500 points during any week, then averaged an unintimidating 434 points a week after that comment. Unless they plan on Justin Houston getting 5 sacks a week, this team needs to find a way to get consistent in a hurry. That said, he has the horses to put up monster weeks and when you can do that, you are always in contention. He is another contender for ROY honors due to his strong start.
4.Franky Blanks (3-2): This team found a way to overcome the hangover left by ‘The Deduction’ loss to get his record back above .500 and notch another division win in the process. Lack of production at RB and so-so production from QB is keeping holding this team down. Defense continues to this squad’s consistent scorer as they led the league in both tackles and assists in week 5. Huge contributions from FA signings Daryl Smith and Barry Church are also bolstering Franky Blanks defensive numbers. They have to be wondering if trading Julius Thomas will come back to haunt them as Gronk continues to be sidelined, leaving the team to use a patchwork of replacements in the meantime.
5.Frozen Tundra (2-3): Not a great week for the Frozen Tundra. It’s more like the Kinda Slushy Tundra at this point. This is a defensive team that relies on a few huge offensive stars and solid QB play and when those things don’t happen “you get what we had here last week, which…is the way he wants it, Well? He gets it. I don’t like it any more than you men do.” The bad news is that this teams QB situation is worse by the week. The good news is that if he can upgrade at that position he will be a force to be reckoned with due to his consistent high level of play on the defensive side of the ball. At 2-3 though, he took a fall in the rankings this week, falling 3 spots to 5th overall
6.Gastineau (2-3): Peyton and the Jets lost a heartbreaker, after Drew Brees exploded on Monday night 77 points, leading to a near 150 comeback effort by the Tampanians. As long as Peyton, AJ and the Forte/Foster combo continue to drive this offense, they will be a threat each week. Antonio Gates resurgence and the Percy Harvin’s return from IR will only make this team that much more potent on offense, and their defensive numbers are among the league leaders also. Despite being 2-3, this team looks solid across the board and should be a contender down the stretch.
7.Husky Humpers (3-2): Mike Vick couldn’t produce his usual numbers, he got 18 points from his receivers and Reggie Bush blew up on his bench, that pretty much sums up Week 5 for Triple H. He produced a sub 400 score and that is not going to get it done most weeks. Anchored by solid Linebackers and a great QB combo that has to create weekly headaches, this team looks to rebound in week 6 to keep up with Daytrippers and keep the division title in his sights, but his 1-2 division record needs to improve.
8.½ Man, ½ Amazing (2-3): He has to be disappointed in the loss after getting 30 from Torrey Smith and a whopping 33 from Nate freaking Washington. He cannot be upset at his 473 point total, which is a solid effort, but when you play the top ranked team you need to come stronger than that, as he found out. RB, DE and CB all put up disappointing numbers in week 5 and John was not able to get over the 500 mark for the first time all season. This team needs a big week 6 to try and double up his win total for the year.
9.Hellbenders (3-2): How to you get a W on the week you put up a league low in points? You play a guy who didn’t set a lineup. It counts as a W, but also earns him the lowest ranking of any team with a winning record. The Hellbenders put up either the highest point total, or lowest point totals each week. They make Tampanians scoring changes look moderate. The potential is definitely there for this team, but you really have no idea what you are going to get from week to week. Starting Patrick Willis, who was clearly labeled inactive before the game, didn’t bolster his puny 373 points, making him the only player in week 5 to fall below the 400 point mark. Congrats on that.
10.Irish Bastards (2-3): The 4th lowest scoring total of the week is not going to move you up in the ranking, especially when you have a losing record in a tough division. This team is going to go where RGII goes, so until he starts putting up 2012 numbers this team could struggle to put up huge points…and it definitely doesn’t help that Drew Brees continues to favor every Saints receiver not named Colston. The good play of Charles and Wes Welker keeping this team in the race, but they need help quickly if he wants to make a serious run at the 2013 League Title.
11.Beardogs (0-5): Fast becoming Americas Underdog, who doesn’t want to see the Beardogs get their first Big Boy victory? They were so close, only to have Jimmy Graham crush their hopes on Monday night. With 2 first round picks on the docket for 2014, this team is going to start looking to next year if a few more losses pile up. The good news is that Tom Brady is looking like his old self and should have his weapons return. It also helps that Geno Atkins has been spotted alive and Von Miller is gonna be back soon. I have a feeling that the teams who played Beardogs early got a break on the timins, as I am sure this team will be better in the second half of the season. That said, they are still 0-5, and that is not good for the league’s most research intensive owner.
12.Beatdown (2-3): He lost to a team that put up 373 points. How does that happen? You don’t set a lineup, that’s how. This team has failed to set a lineup 2 weeks in a row and has the entire league concerned so they are officially on double secret probation. In all seriousness, you need to set a lineup or you will force us to make uncomfortable decisions for the betterment of the league that no one wants to make. Come on man, it’s not too late to turn it around since half the league is 2-3 along with you. If you have any questions on how to use the site just call me and I can help. My number is on the league info page of the site.


One thought on “Week 5 Ranking and Awards

  1. Play hard or go home

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