Week 5 Rankings – Awards coming later.

Week 5 Rankings.
Daytrippers (6-1) If I had to rank the teams during the preseason, this probably would have been the top team. After 6 weeks, he has reached that ranking. There are not many weaknesses on the leagues only one loss team. Jimmy Graham is the leagues highest Non-QB, averaging close to 40 points a game. Factor in that Cameron is averaging 25 per week, that means the daytrippers are averaging almost 65 points a week from the 2 tight ends. That is an advantage that will be hard to overcome if they can keep it up.
Hellbenders (5-2) No one loves the double weeks like the Hellbenders, and this time they capitalized again by scorching the Frozen Tundra by a 50 burger, and putting a 100 point whoopin on the Beardogs. Daryl Washington came back with a vengence putting up 58 points himself, and rookie Kenny Vaccarro continues to impress as he put up another 30 for a strong defensive performance. The bad news is the that the playoffs are only one opponent at a time, where The Benders have suffered so far. If Cam can get his shit together, or if Steve Smith would catch his touchdown passes, this team can be retardo. Speaking of retardo, Dez Bryant and Josh Gordon are starting to look like a pretty strong WR core….I bet Dez’ mom is so proud.
1/2 Man (4-3)Speaking of capitalizing on double weeks, how about 93 from the Romosexual to make Half Man the weeks highest scorer, skyrocketing his point total to #2 overall. With a weak schedule for Romo on the horizon, and Osi and Woodson playing like its 2005, this team could be in for a run. It’s good timing because of their slow start and they need to keep their foot on the gas to stay ahead of recently slumping Nipples for Days, a loss this week sends them back to half wins, half losses. For now though, they benefit the most from the new ranking system that takes points into account, vaulting to the #3 spot after their impressive week,
Blanks (5-2) Team Solid, Team Mediocre, Team Average…take your pick. Either way, this looks to be a high floor/Low Ceiling type of teams that is going to consistently score in the 450-480 range, but rarely above or below that number. Its clear that Blanks strenghts as a GM remain in the free agent market….evidenced by his questionable draft pick history, combined with a series of FA signings for players in the top 10 at their position ( Barry Church, Daryl Smith, Buster Skrine, Tracy Porter, Corey Peters and Charles Clay. The Tampanians heard they were ranked behind Franky Blanks this week and was quite outraged…but when you look at the week to week comparisons, if Tampanians and Blanks played every week, Blanks would still be 5-2, and the Tampons would be 2-5. I mean, I dont know how you can get any more clear than that. If we played every week I would wear your ass out week to week, and the numbers bear that out. No matter what happens this year, Franky loves his chances in years to come based having young start at the 3 key positions. QB, WR and LB.
Tampanians (5-2) Like the guy that dated the homecoming queen in 3rd grade, this team continues to look to the 640 point anomoly in week one as the norm, neglecting to point out that he has scored under 400 points as many times as he has scored over 500. What does that tell you? The Tampons have a consistency problem. Brandon Marshall and Andre Johnson are looking older by the play, so this team better win before the sun sets, unless of course they are counting on Quinton Patten and Josh Morgan to carry the WR core in future years. Lets face it, this team can put up points with anyone in the league on any given week, thanks to Drew Brees, Justin Houston and the pick of the rookie draft IMO, the Honey Badger….This could be the EF version of the Broncos due to their capacity to score, but also like the Broncos, the clock is ticking my friend…..Tick….Tock……Tick…..Tock. Dont fuck it up. He is the only team to have a 2 game division lead, so he has some wiggle room that the rest of us do not have at the moment, that could be huge down the stretch.
Nips for Days (4-3) The Nipples got a little chafed this weekend, going 0-2 while AP sat back hopelessly watching on his bye week. TY Hilton said he could help, but the Nipster was scared off by Richard Sherman and the supposedly vaunted Seattle D, and he and his 39 points wasted away on the bench. Still he kept it close by insane performances by #1 ranked ILB Karlos Dansby ( great Move, Miami!!), #2 DE Jared Allen and #3 ranked OLB Lance Briggs. If can get his receivers to stop playing musical games and be more consistent he will remain in contention this year.
Tundra (2-5) Oh man, this number 7 ranking might be the best thing to happen to the Melting Tundra all weekend. Not only did he go 0-2, not only is he 3rd in points but still 2-5, not only has he given up 700 more points than I or Nips for Days has (that’s 100 points per week folks.lolol), not only is his starting QB probably going to be benched….if all those things weren’t enough to make you wanna shit in your cereal when you woke up tuesday morning, but he would later find out that his priced posession, the Wondah of the Frozen Tundra, Julio Jones was lost for the season. He will be missed, but not by me, or anyone else in this league but Cory I would imagine . But as bad as it was, he is a short winning streak from being right back in it thanks to he previously mentioned 3rd highest avg points per game.
Husky Humpers (4-3) Inconsistent WR play, and the on again off again briliance of Reggie Bush has the Husky Humper in a holding pattern. Its this authors opinion that he loss of Mike Vick will actually help this team , as they will no longer need to play the QB guessing game each week, and he can just start the #1 overall pick each week like he intended when he took him that high. Strong and consitent LB play as well as the breakout season from Julius Thomas is keeping this team in the hunt as he waits for his RB and WR situation to stabilize
Gastineau (3-4) When Peyton Manning is averaging 69 points a week, he should be putting up better numbers week over week. His love of the Jets continues to hurt him in the OL category, as he continues to start 2 Jets OL a week, despite them being one of the lowest scoring teams for OL. You have to admire his loyalty though, even if it might mean he doesnt make the playoffs during the year that his QB is shattering points records. Having Rivers and his 50 point average on the bench highlights an embarasment of riches at the QB position. An aggressive owner might look to sell high on Rivers current value and increase other areas of need. AJ Green has to be a dissapointment so far, ranking 18th at the position, but anyone who has seen AJ play knows that that trend will not continue for much longer. When he gets going again, Peyton and the Jets will be hard to handle on a week to week basis. An early ROY candidate, his recent skid has put the breaks on that campaign for the time being.
Irish (2-5)At first, I just thought it was bad luck. Then, after 7 weeks, his average points is 3rd lowest in the league. Then I just realized the team is just plain bad. It looks like RGII is not going to return to his 2012 form this year, and it looks like he is postponing the success of the Bastards in the process. This is another team that might have to look to the 2014 season if they dont start racking up the W’s soon. The good news is that this team has a decent amount of young talent that should be able to keep them competitive down the road.
Beatdown(2-5) He set up a lineup, but that’s about the only good thing to say about the Beatdown this team took over the weekend. Although they are currenlty one spot ahead of the Beardogs, this team is currently playing like Bye Week Bob, not a team that hands out Beatdowns on a weekly basis. I am interested to see what his teams plans for rebuilding are, as they seem to favor gizzled veterans over unproven youth.
Beardogs (0-7) 0-7 in the Big Boy League. Not a whole lot else to say. I will say that I have played in enough fantasy leagues to know that the beardogs can turn this ship around, but I have also played long enough to know that its not going to be easy. I’m pretty sure Tom Brady would be assaulted if he was ever in the presense of the Beardogs.